27; On the Ganges

Top: thrifted • Skirt: flea market (Prescott Valley, AZ) • Vest: F21 • Belt: Delias • Shoes: Maurices • Shades: Newbury Comics (weird, right?) • Jewelry: various

Lookbook • Chictopia

I completely forgot to get a detail shot of the pattern/design of the skirt. Basically, it has flowers, paisley, camels, and elephants. Despite the fact that I've only just this year become comfortable with skirts and dresses, I bought this two years ago. I told myself I'd wear it someday...when I could find a top to go with it. I found one, two months ago. Day seized!


Someone on Chictopia once inquired as to what my connection was to my username, 'OnTheGanges'. When I first adopted the name in August '09, it was for my Tumblr account I was signing up for. I was six months into my relationship with Kathryn, and my whole life was changing around me, some for the better (Kathryn), and some for the worse.

Nothing in my life truly mattered to me up until her, and when she inspired meaning in my life, I began to care enough to contemplate what I wanted in life, where I wanted to go in life, where I wanted to end up... I realised I had no real religious beliefs, even though I'd been raised Catholic. None of the trips to church, the religious holidays, the Bible stories, or the things my mom had said about her beliefs ever made an impact on me. I wasn't fond of the idea that I was put on earth just to spend my entire life trying to impress some omnipotent being on another plane of existence to let me into his super secret club. I'm living my life for me. I'm going to be a good person because I want to be, not to earn my way into Heaven. If I were to serve anybody, wouldn't I be in their presence actually doing things for them? Wouldn't they make themselves aware? I had millions of questions, questions I couldn't find answers for on my own. I knew some things that I believed in (souls/ghosts, reincarnation and past lives, et cetera) but I still didn't know fully why, or had any proof to back up the things I felt made sense aside from my own opinion. Without secure evidence, I felt nothing in terms of religion could be trusted. This caused me a lot of stress -- being terrified of death, especially since I had no idea what would happen after death (more accurately, since I feared the idea of no afterlife or continuation of my consciousness or soul) it made me wonder, 'what's the point, if we don't continue on past this life?'

For a long time, I'd held a fascination with the Beatles, specifically George Harrison. At first, his level of religiousness weirded me out; I used to be a bitter person when it came to people 'flaunting their religion', but I know now that I felt that way solely because I resented not being so confident in my beliefs. Eventually I became used to his love for Hinduism/Krishna, once I actually researched the religion. I liked many aspects and ideas behind it (not everything, mind you) and the culture behind it, and it inspired me to try to just find peace within myself, to try to just be happy and go with the flow. Maybe if I stopped stressing over the stupid afterlife, it would stop bothering me.

The significance of the Ganges to me is its significance in Hinduism and the people in India. It's not only worshipped as a goddess, but it's also a lifeline to the people who live on its shores. It's a symbol of inner peace for me, an inspiration for me to be comfortable with my physical incarnation and with the idea that I'll never really know what happens beyond death. I'm not really Hindu, in the sense that I don't practice the religion that someone who is Hindu does, but I'm just not meant to be a religious person. Spiritual, yes, but not religious. I get by with picking out ideas that just make sense to me and suspect that most religions are correct in thinking we all started somewhere (created by a being, possibly) and all souls gather to one place once we die, with reincarnation a common occurrance. That's about the gist of it. The phrase 'On the Ganges' reminds me to continue to find peace and acceptance with myself, until I can find myself on the shore of complete contentment.

And you know what? I no longer stress over religious or spiritual beliefs. I think it has more to do with the fact that I now live with and am engaged to the person that gave me something to live for, who gave me a life filled with laughter and security, but what would the point of my life be if I didn't have someone to share it with? I think it was all just necessary.